Let's talk about boobs, baby
Breasts. Jugs. Tig ol’ bitties. Milk bags. Knockers. Tits. Melons. Boobies, baby.
I want to talk about the lovely lady lumps on my body. But this is not going to be a sexy talk. It’s going to be more about how I deal with these heavy puppies on the daily.
Quick anecdotes:
Back in high school, there was a boy I liked for a brief time (looking back, he was not cute but that kind of punk rocker vibe that I was into at the time). A friend of mine ended up telling him I liked him but he couldn’t put my face to my name so she described me: the short, brown girl with big boobs. She said it was a compliment.
In college, I was casually seeing a guy and we went to a house party together. Everybody was very drunk on cheap alcohol (duh). At one point, a dude came up to the guy and I and gestured to my cleavage and said, “Nice job!” Then he proceeded to give my guy a high-five. I was not pleased. And honestly, the guy I was with wasn’t either but just kind of went with it to get the other dude to leave.
Then there’s always the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ mentality. My friends with smaller, perky breasts will joke that they’d take some of mine if they could. Well, I would be happy to hand over some of my boob fat.
Here’s the deal, I stand at about 5 feet tall (really, 4’ 11'.5’’) and have 34 DDDs. They fluctuate in size depending on how much weight I’ve lost or gained. When free-boobin’ it, they hang pretty low and my nips kind of look like chameleon eyes—always looking in different directions. I told you, NOT sexy. And the rest of my body does not necessarily match the curves my boobs give me. I have relatively slim hips and a more athletic build (without the athlete part). So depending on the clothes and bra I wear, I can look a bit top heavy.
Over the years, I’ve disliked my boobs, loved them, and felt indifferent to them. Where am I at now, you ask? I respect them because they are a part of me. And so, I work on ways manage them.
In high school and college, I shopped at places like Victoria’s Secret and bought plain lined bras. I liked that they didn’t show my nips when I was cold, but I always felt like they made my boobs look bigger, especially in a t-shirt. Honestly, t-shirts probably aren’t the most flattering for women with larger chests, but I love them and will always wear them.
Nowadays, I have a diverse assortment of bras—one for every occasion and type of clothing. I have a couple of minimizers that tend flatten my boobs and kind of push them outwards a bit. These bras aren’t sexy but I like using them when wearing button-ups and sweatshirts. I think they keep me from looking wide with clothes that don’t necessarily give natural shape. But, because their main purpose is to keep your boobs at bay, they don’t look great in a fitted top. In fact, I think they make me look wider (especially because my shoulders are a bit on the broad side).
So what do I wear when I want to wear something fitted? Unlined bras! I pretty only buy unlined bras because I like that they don’t add anymore volume. HOWEVER, there are cons to the unlined bras. If you like lacy bras, the unlined versions often tend to show lines and patterns under shirts or dress. Also, if you get chilly, your nips will likely poke out. And for me, my cold nips don’t look balanced and perky like Jennifer Aniston’s in Friends. To make up for this, you can opt to use nipple petals. Up to you!
It’s crazy how different bra brands and materials and prices can lead to a different shape of your boobs. I have found cheaper bras from Target that fit my boobs and keep them pretty close together, but leave them very bouncy. If the shirt or dress I’m wearing if tight enough, I feel confident they’re pretty locked in. But when I want more structure, I’ll end up putting a pad-less light support sports bra on OVER the other bra. Yep, two bras, baby. Besides adding some extra support, adding the second layer often helps a bit with smoothing out back fat.
I like to one bra every few months and I tend to keep in the mid-price range (between $30 and $60). Sometimes I’ll buy a couple of cheaper ones from Marshall’s or Target and know that they won’t last long and will likely need another layer. When I do splurge on the expensive bras, they are usually bought more for their structure than their looks. When I want cute bras, I’ll usually opt for lower or mid-price and just hoard them in my underwear drawer. Sometimes they work under a second bra. Sometimes they work only in a specific dress. And sometimes, I just love how pretty they look and buy it and wear it under a basic top at home.
Do you have any favorite bra brands that you think work best for your boob size?
